Absence of Love

There are times in my life when I despair my own existence. The cloud of gloominess engulfs me, and I am blinded in such a way that misery becomes my only friend. Yes, it becomes my best friend. Even when I give it my best shot, I simply fall and life seems a considerable burden that I no longer want to carry on with it.

My anger, rage and frustration rise. One of my guides says these are expressions of suppressed emotions. It’s a GPS pointing in the direction of bottled-up pain, which is crying to be released forever. Yes, I do lash out at others, that damages me, and occasionally even my relationships with others.

In such situations, I recall a conversation with Dr. Segu Ramesh, and I can hear him say “son, it is the absence of love”. Many would wonder this is the love of the intimate kind. From where I stand, it goes way beyond that, it is much more to do with what is truly happening in my inner world.

It is about seeing, feeling and hearing your self worth from the inside out. The “absence of love” is what causes significant stress, failure, resentment, jealousy, anger, rage, frustration and fear in my life. This is the dark side that lives in me.

I am entangled in the so-called reality of the world and engrossed in its superficial ways. Fame and fortune is something I do strive for that I forgot the true essence of my own existence. My conditioning (or many call it programming) is in such a manner that I search for the answers out there rather than within.

I hear people who have incredible emotional wisdom say that the universe is within us and not out there. They say it is about being in the now, nothing else. Nothing is under our control, nothing whatsoever; all we can do is be truly 100% in the moment, in the now.

These people who have a high sense of emotional wisdom say it is essential to love thyself. As this is the sweetest gift, you can bestow upon yourself. The question is, how does one do this.

Here is when self-compassion allows me to get up and move again. It gives me the power to have gratitude. At that moment, I breathe, breathe and breathe. I remind myself I am doing the best in this version of myself, and this transition is merely an upgrade to a better version of myself.

My guardian angel says to me, put your hand on your heart, simply observe yourself and rediscover that you are enough. I have all that I need to be happy in this very moment. Peace begins from within.

In this very moment I have:

The best of health
The best of a roof over myself  The best of clothing
The best of love
The best of support
The ability to see
The ability to speak
The ability to hear
The ability to taste
The ability to smell
The ability to smile
The ability to laugh
The ability to walk

Remember the anger, rage and frustration shall pass. There is much joy you have received, you are receiving, and more joy is coming your way.

Simply smile. Love thyself.